The number one hack to change your work life without changing much at all

I have a secret for you. You don’t have to immediately get a new job to change your work situation. You read that right: you don’t have to spend months on end applying to jobs, going through multiple interviews only to get rejected, and basically start another full-time job to try to get a new one.

I have a pretty incredible technique where all you have to do is change your thoughts and perspective around your job today and the little things that make up your job (i.e., the work itself, your commute, even getting up from your desk throughout the day).

I myself did this, and it worked; I got promoted outside of the annual cycle, and my entire life changed for the better. You can read more about it in a previous newsletter here.

Disclaimer: if you are in a toxic situation (which either you inherently know or you can assess from some of the below examples), these tools may be helpful to you, but by all means do what you need to do to get yourself out of your current work situation as soon as you can for the sake of your mental health. Talk to a mental health professional or a trusted mentor/friend/family member on how you can leave your current situation and navigate it while you’re there.

We can change our thoughts with one simple question: “How can I see this in a positive or neutral light?”

Alternatively, ask yourself, “What is the best way I can see this right now?” “What is the best that could happen?”

• Repeat this question in your mind as a tool to practice shifting your thoughts as they arise

• The new thoughts need to be something you can get behind. You’re not going from one extreme to another here. What is an incremental way you can see this a little bit better than you do today?

Let’s bring this question to life with some examples.

Just little old me over here flipping my thoughts and getting myself super excited before presenting…in my bathroom mirror nonetheless. Read on to example 3 on how to tackle public speaking.

Example 1: This project is the worst

Current thoughts: I can’t believe I have to work on this. This project is the absolute worst. I really don’t want to do this at all. I hate this so much.

Unless we literally quit our jobs or are in a rare situation where we have the latitude to tell our bosses we don’t want to do this work, we still have to deliver on the project in front of us. We often spend so much time hating on the work that we don’t have space to realize it’s actually not so bad after all. We have an opportunity to shift the way we see the project and show up to work in a new way.

To shift our thoughts, we can use “thought starter” questions like these:

• What’s really so bad about this project? Is it so different from my past projects? Is there something about it that I get on board with?

• Is this new project offering me new skills or a new experience? What can I get out of this work? Perhaps it will give me a new resume bullet and new stories that I can speak to in interviews for my next job.

Example 2: my coworkers suck

Current thoughts: My coworkers are the worst. They’re always asking me questions and bugging me. Can’t I just have some peace and quiet to get some work done?! They are so frustrating and incessant.

At many companies, it takes a village to get work done, and we most likely have to work with other people. How can we shift our thoughts around the people we work with?

Some thought starters:

• What is so bad about the coworkers? What don’t I like about working with them? How can I get to the root cause of why they bother me so much? Maybe it’s something about me and not really about them. For example, maybe I get annoyed when people ask me a lot of questions because of something that happened in my past or my childhood. Dig deep to understand what’s really bothering you about them.

• Can I see them in a new light? Perhaps I am not giving them enough credit. Or maybe they simply aren’t very good people. Where can I set new boundaries and spend less time with them? They are the way they are, but I can do things to change the situation itself and how I view it.

• Is there a learning opportunity for me on how to navigate dealing with such people? I can flip the narrative to say I don’t love these people, but I’m learning a critical skill to be around difficult people and set boundaries for myself.

Example 3: I hate presenting.

Current thoughts: I can’t believe I have to show up to this meeting and deliver this talk. I’m so afraid of having to present in front of these people, and my manager keeps making me do it. Why can’t I just send an email?

Surveys show that 75% of people fear public speaking; that’s practically all of us! What are we so afraid of? In our evolutionary journeys as humans from surviving in the jungle to living in cities protected by four walls and a roof over our heads, how did public speaking become the thing that holds us back? I’m not going to even attempt to answer that question, but it’s good food for thought reading a statistic like that.

Anyways, let’s get into some thought starters:

• What am I afraid of? Because it’s new? Because I’m not that good at it yet? Because I’m scared of failure? Every time I present I have an opportunity to test out my public speaking skills. Everyone who speaks in front of people had to start somewhere.

• How can I see my talks differently? I refocus my attention on what my audience needs. I am propelling the work forward by presenting on it and getting buy-in or a decision so I can get to the next step. I remove myself from the equation and make the work and the audience the focus of my attention (more on that from Harvard here).

• What will make me feel better with my talks? Can I repeat affirmations to myself like: I can do this. I was made for this. I practiced like crazy, and I’m ready to present and field questions. I am an expert on this. I am meant to be here.

This is probably the most powerful tool I have in my toolkit, and I hope you’ll practice adding it to yours too. Remember that this takes time; be patient with yourself and give yourself grace. Some thoughts will be easier than others, and you’ll feel a shift in your life pretty quickly. Other thoughts take longer to change, but keep going. When it seems like it’s not working, keep going. Keep shifting your thoughts. Your brain is catching up to your new version of yourself; we simply have to give it some time to get there.

Thanks for being here and being open to new techniques. Wishing you a happy Friday junior!

Your Mentor,

Melanie